I joined the NAVY. I'm still going to college. They're paying 100% tuition for the full 4 years. I'm taking this year off school for training and such. The next 4 years following that will be college. I haven't given up on computer animation, don't worry. NAVY's got an assload of benefits. I get 30 days paid vacation per year, I'm off every federal holiday, and I get 2 weeks off for Christmas. And more.

This year I'm going to bootcamp (it takes 2 months for NAVY, I ship out in September 14) and right after graduation I start 'A' school where I'll learn to become an Aviation Mechanic. I'll also get a couple of college credits while in 'A' school, so it's all good.

Starting salary is between $25k and $35k per year.

After college I'm going to work my way to becoming a commissioned officer, Ensign at least, assuming I haven't already done so by this time next August. Afterwards, I'm gonna follow my childhood dreams of becoming a fighter pilot.

After those 3 or 4 years of service, who knows?

I can see it now, the next war...
ENEMY1: "Incoming from 5 O'clock high!"
ENEMY2: "What the fu--AAHHHHH!!!"
ENEMY3: "*Gasp* It's him!! HUAAAGGGHH!!"
Savit: "Do you like pina coladas! Dah-dah dah! And getting caught in the rain!"

...or something like that.

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So here I am.
So I am here.
So am I here?
Here, so am I.
Here, so I am.
I am here, so?

Who I am.
I am who?
Who am I?

I am who I am.
Simple answer.
A cold answer.
A smartass answer.
A philosopher's answer.
Better than nothing.
Isn't it?

I am who I allowed myself to be.
I will be who I allow myself to become.
I will follow the course of tradition.
I will let the old path become my own new path.

I thought that was the right thing to do.
I thought letting people run my life "for my own good" was...good.
I thought I had at least some control over my life.

My list of options were always short.
I was always told that those were the only options.
Never that they were the only options approved of.
A lot of information and reasoning was omitted during my upbringing.
To lie indirectly is to give yourself permission to be offended and thus directing blame away from yourself.

Though I myself am omitting a lot of information now.
Yeah I know it's vague this way.
Without specifics it sounds like every family.
Sorry for keeping you in the dark.

I put up with that crap all my life.
But I'm still here.
Good for me.
Yes, I'm patting myself on the back.
For doing nothing about it.
Sad but true now that I think about it.

I thought I'd "go the distance" for someone other than myself.
Dedicate my life to someone.

Maybe when I'm an old man I'll adopt a kid.
Give them a good life.
A good life my parents tried to live through me.
A good life I couldn't have for myself.
The life a child should have.
Not the life of a cracker jack decoder ring.

Don't get me wrong.
I'm not looking for consolation.
I'm not sad or angry.
Maybe angry.
In that case I'm venting.
What's done is done.
They own my past.
I live with what I allowed to happen.
I live with the choices made for me.
But the choices not yet made are mine now.